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HAVING A HARD TIME MAKING A DECISION?

3/15/2022

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We've all been at the crossroads of a major decision.  Should I leave my marriage?  Do I take the new job?  Should I make that investment?  Do I write off that friend I've outgrown?  All of these questions seem different in nature but they all have the same common denominator - fear.  It could be fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of the consequences, but when you cannot arrive at an answer, fear is the culprit. 
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So how do we jump out of fear and into faith based decision making?  We turn to our feelings.

Most of us identify with our thoughts, not our feelings.  We faithfully follow the thoughts in our head because we associate our identity, our personality, with our thoughts.  We are not our thoughts - we are the observer of our thoughts.  

Our thoughts are actually based on conditioning, experiences outside of ourselves that we've:
Been told.
Experienced.
Observed.

The problem with conditioning is that every experience you have is not the same.  When your parents told you that belief, it was based on their experience.  When you experienced or observed it for yourself, that was one specific event in time, with different variables than what you might experience now.

To listen to and follow our thoughts blindly, is to listen to and follow conditioning.  To find your truth - in this moment - consult your feelings.

If this seems counterintuitive, I completely understand.  Most of us have a thought, which engenders a feeling that results in an action.  We blindly react to a feeling as if it is the truth, but our feelings are not the message.  Our feelings are the messenger - alerting us that we need to go back to our thoughts, where the message originated.

You have the power to change your thoughts at any given moment, but you first have to buy into the fact that you are the observer of your thoughts.  Try this out.  What's the first thought that comes to mind?  Now, what is your opinion of your thought?  And why?  The fact that you have an opinion of your thought proves you are the observer!  And as the observer, you can choose a better feeling thought.

Now to the second hurdle - facing our feelings.  Most of us were taught to stuff down uncomfortable feelings. So the last thing you want to do is face them.  They can seem scary and daunting.  I get it.  I've been there.  But the truth of the matter is, if you allow your feelings to surface, they can no longer have a grip on you.  This allows you to see the truth more clearly, and make a decision from a place of empowerment versus from a place fear.

So the next time you're up for a big decision, try this journaling exercise:
Write down the big question at the top of your paper.
Then jot down every feeling you have about it.
Afterwards, close your eyes and breath in & out to the count of five.
Feel all of your feelings (and this may take several sessions).
Write the reasons for your feelings - the thoughts you have.
What possible conditioning could be influencing your thoughts?
List the action you can take based on what you can control.
Determine the best course of action based on the facts of what you found.
Lastly, how does this decision feel - empowered or uneasy?

If you're still uneasy, go back to your feelings to discover the messages behind the emotions.  Sometimes the deeper we've buried a truth, the more time it will take to excavate.  

The key to success is a perspective shift - from the pressure of having to make the RIGHT decision to 
giving ourselves the freedom to make ANY decision.  knowing no matter what we are learning.  With each experience we learn, we grow and we expand.  We have more information to make our next decision. 

When I stopped trying to be perfect and instead strived to be authentic, all the chains were loosed. It is the most freeing and wonderful feeling. And as your confidence grows, more and more like minded people and circumstances are attracted into your life.
All you have to do is trust your feelings. You are worthy.  You are unique.  You are needed.

Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Becoming Authentically You, All is Well, Your Year to Face Fears, Trading Problems for Prayer
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BECOMING AUTHENTICALLY YOU!

3/4/2022

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If you're anything like I was in my twenties, you would never entertain the idea of needing to become authentically you.  You already knew it all.  You were finally free from your parents.  And you were going to conquer the world .... with all this knowledge and all that freedom 😂

Fast forward two decades and I have quite a different perspective. I can see clearly now how much conditioning has influenced my decisions. I'm now determined to make decisions from a place of knowing versus as place of having been told.

It's the natural progression of life - being, belonging and becoming.

All of us experience the first two stages - being and belonging.  As children we learn from our families and educators how to "be" in this world. From rules on how to behave in society to specifically what your role in society plays. Then as we get older, we develop bonds with like-minded people.  Where we learn how to belong.  The third stage is a little more elusive.  It's a choice we make.  Continue to go with the status quo or question what is true for you.

This is when life gets fun!  But can feel a bit scary too. When you do something for the first time, you can get that uneasy feeling in your stomach. It feels like you are doing something wrong but in fact it is completely normal. You are developing neural pathways. Your brain is like a map and the neural pathways are like roads you build. As you learn new ways of living and being, you develop new roads. Until those roads are built, you will feel uncomfortable.

This is the stage where most of us jump ship. Most likely because we are going against what was taught to us, but the exhilaration of discovering your truth far out weighs the momentary discord.  I promise!  

A CHANGE in direction can be as simple as:
A-dmitting the area in your life that you are dissatisfied with.
C-learly writing out the solution you wish to accomplish.
H-earing your intuitive direction through meditation or journaling.
A-nalizing how to remove past conditioning that is blocking your growth.
N-eural pathways can now be built by taking your goal and breaking it into steps.
G-et help from people that have successfully accomplished your goal.
E-xecute your new way of living by affirming your success and taking daily action.

The hardest part of change is the first step!  Don't self-sabotage by buying into the doubts your mind will feed you. It's just a defense mechanism we all have intended to keep us safe. But remember, growth is never found in our comfort zone.  Happy Coaching Brave Ones!


Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Thinking About Goals vs. Actually Doing Something, Your Year to Face Your Fears, Destination or Distraction?, Practice Makes Productive
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