Admitting that your excuses - not other people, not situations - are what is holding you back, is a HUGE growth moment. It means you're getting serious.  It means you know you're worth the effort. It means you are taking responsibility for the creation of your life. And I applaud you because it took me MANY years to stop making excuses.  After all, I had some pretty valid ones!

So what if you see other people and other situations as holding you back, like I did?

That means you are 100% NORMAL!  

We've all been through setbacks.  They are THE WORST!  When I got divorced, in my mind, I was free to live my life drama-free and on my own terms. I made plans for home renovations, for family trips, for financial freedom.  Little did I know that just because I'd gotten divorced, did not mean I was rid of my ex!  And this cost me - literally and figuratively.

If he hadn't taken half of my 401k, I could retire so much sooner. If he'd helped me pay for this mortgage and utilities, I would have so much more in savings. If he'd just tried to negotiate, I wouldn't have spent over $20k in attorney's fees.  If he would have exercised his visitation, I wouldn't have had the extra childcare costs. If he would have helped me renovate this house like he'd promised, I wouldn't be stuck trying to figure it out on my own.  And unfortunately, this is the short list but you get my drift.

I had some very valid excuses for being angry.  But after a handful of years passed, it hit me.  My anger was not doing anything to him. He'd moved on. It was only affecting MY ABILITY  to move on.

When you've found yourself at this crossroad - between replaying a storyline in your head or leaving it in the past - you have a decision to make.  Do you keep making excuses for where you are in life or do you accept what has happened so you can move forward?

If you want to move forward, you have to LET IT GO.  And when you are willing to do this, you'll find many truths that have alluded you.

For example, I got really honest with myself.  Yes this man took a lot from me BUT after he left, I wasn't the best financial consultant to my own life. I didn't make sound financial investments.  I was also lazy. Because I spent so much time living in the past, I was depressed a lot of the time.  This made me completely unmotivated.  I was also very entitled.  I thought I deserved better than this - which is very true BUT I wasn't willing to put the effort into making a life "better than this".  I just sat on the sidelines waiting for someone or something to save me.

Here's the cold hard fact - NO ONE IS COMING TO YOU SAVE YOU.  YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN SAVE YOU.  Now of course, you can seek help but you have to get the ball rolling.  You have to determine what it is you want, what it is you want to be, what life you want to live.  Then and only then, can anyone else help you.

​Here are the steps I took to move forward:
- I allowed myself to feel all the feelings. I deserved to be mad and I felt every bit of that anger.
- I decided that his actions were about HIS VALUES not a reflection of my self-worth. 
- This allowed me to start the process of forgiveness.
- Forgiveness is when we stop trying to rewrite the past into a storyline we wish had happened.
- This gave me space to begin to forgive myself for the choices I'd made as well.
- I coupled this with a gratitude practice for everything I did have.
- After all, if it weren't for this man, I wouldn't have my son of whom I am so GRATEFUL!
- When all this weight had been lifted, my compromised energy was released.
- I used my newfound energy to take daily action steps towards my dreams.

Moving On and Letting Go are not easy feats but they are feasible!  It's just ONE DECISION AWAY!

​Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: The Movie of Your Mind,  Thinking About Goals vs. Actually Doing Something, Destination or Distraction?, Be For-Giving, Using Hate to Heal

Ever thought you'd figured it all out?  An old story was healed?  You'd let it go?  Perhaps you'd even gone the extra mile and was grateful to the person that hurt you because of all that you've learned? Well, in my experience, when I've made these types of declarations to myself, life will give me an opportunity to test it and boy did it ever last week!

When someone has decided that you are the reason for their unhappiness, there is absolutely nothing you can do to circumvent this. Believe me, I've tried it all.  I've tried being silent, fighting back, displaying the facts (as if I were an attorney reciting to a jury), apologizing, being nice, praying, meditating, exercising, and last but not least addictive behaviors to numb my feelings.  You name it, I've done it.  

So when I was blindsided last week, I went to a very dark place. A place where I used to live that I thought I'd lost the address to. But I soon found I hadn't. I quickly reminded myself to walk my talk. I get to feel whatever I am feeling because I am worthy. Yes, this did help because I wasn't doing what I used to do - shame myself for getting upset.  That was definitely a move in the right direction.

But there was still this thick, heavy coat of depression that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake. It was like I was back in the original situation with this person when I felt trapped and alone. Just like that, I had erased years of forward movement. I simply could not shake this idea. How can I do so much work and in one instance be transported back to that feeling? I came upon two truths in my attempt to abate the pain.

#1 - This is life is for HEALING. It's not about overcoming. It's just about healing. So this means that even though you may feel you have conquered an old wound, that old wound may resurface and often when you least expect it. This is a fact, and once you can accept this, the next time it rears its ugly head, you can get to the work at hand - healing it.  There is no magic formula. What takes one person a day may take another a lifetime. The only requirement on your part is being open to listening to and healing that wound when it resurfaces.

#2 - The REAL YOU can never be diminished by hate. Yes, the actor you are currently playing in this lifetime can have many events that are meant for your harm.  When hate is coming at you, it can hurt so bad that it feels personal. However, the true you, the everlasting soul you, cannot actually be hurt. No one can ever do any thing to you to take away whose you are - A Child of the Most High God. So just because you feel, does not in fact make it real.

Now that doesn't mean your emotions are wrong if they feel horrible.  That's when you love yourself the most!  You feel everything you feel.  You are worthy of your feelings.  Then you make a choice to follow those feelings back to the narrator that created them and you have a decision to make.  You can believe false thoughts of defeat or you can ask for love's guidance. It will steer you in the right direction every time. 

When something harmful does get thrown your way, please try to re-member and re-mind. 

Re-member yourself with what God says about you instead of aligning yourself with thoughts of defeat.  Re-mind yourself that this is an opportunity to heal an untruth. You are not the person responsible for another's unhappiness. A person who does not take responsibility for their feelings will never see your point of view.  So take action to protect yourself and ask for help when you need it.  We all do!

I'm not even going to pretend this is easy. This is graduate level spiritual work. I'm just offering another way to look at it in hopes to lighten your load. As we all know, just because we understand something logically doesn't mean we'll feel it right away.  We just have to try.  That's it. Not perfect, overcome, master anything.  Just try.  

Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Be For-Giving, All is Well, Trading Problems for Prayers, The Movie of Your Mind

All is Well.  Easier said than done when your world feels upside down, right?  Well, I can help you with that! Key word being FEELS. Because despite how you feel, this is when the words you choose to speak are more important than ever.

We tend to use our feelings as an excuse for not being responsible for our behavior. When we feel so lousy the last thing we feel like doing is speaking victory over our seemingly apparent defeat. BUT folks, if you want to elicit change, sometimes you've gotta fake it til' you make it!

FACT: Regardless of how you feel, your words will manifest into reality.  Reread that a few times. No matter how you feel right now, you have a CHOICE. Your choice is in how you speak over your circumstance.

How do you use your words when your back's up against the wall?  To speak defeat over your situation?  Or to speak change over what you see?  You always have a choice. Our knee jerk reaction is to act upon how we feel.

You know that saying, don't shoot the messenger?  Well, that feeling you have is no more than a messenger.  It is not your identity.  The messenger has come to alert you to your thoughts. If you can go back to the thought that created that feeling, you can choose another thought. Once you choose a better feeling thought, you can then proclaim that message over your life. Thus moving forward instead of staying stuck.

Let's take the story of Horatio G. Spafford as an example:
On November 22, 1873, while crossing the Atlantic on the steamship, Ville du Havre, their vessel was struck by an iron sailing ship. Two hundred and twenty-six people lost their lives, as the Ville du Havre sank within only twelve minutes. All four of Horatio Spafford’s daughters perished, but remarkably his wife Anna Spafford survived the tragedy.  When he was taken to the spot where his children had perished, it is said that Spafford returned to his cabin and wrote the now famous hymn “It is well with my soul." Of course he and his wife were both devastated, but they were determined to move forward and Anna went on to give birth to three more children. 

In the midst of turmoil, we so desperately want an explanation of why, but often times there is none. The only choice we are left with is deciding how we react, how we process our feelings. We can either use the circumstance to define us or we can use the circumstance to speak faith over our lives.

Next time you have that feeling of defeat, use it to RE-mind you instead of to RE-act to by:
Acknowledging & honoring how you feel
Decide you do not want that feeling to become your identity
Bravely trace that feeling back to its thought
Decide you want to think a better feeling thought
Speak that new thought over your Circumstance
For Example - All is Well

Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Trading Problems for Prayers, The Movie of Your Mind, The Easier Way to Let Go, Expectations & Emotions, Feel Your Way to Freedom​

I saw a psychic about 15 years ago that told me I was full of lots of fear. She was trying to tell me that fear was dictating my choices, but there was nothing to fear. My fear was an illusion, and if I could see the truth, my life will change. Well being the "I've gotta feel it for myself type of gal" that I am, I just thought - well who isn't afraid lady? And went about my business. Of making lots and lots and lots of choices. Based. In. Fear.

Fast forward a decade later and I finally "saw" this message as living proof in my life. I finally saw the pattern of emotional decisions based in fear vs. what could have been well thought out decisions based on my self-worth. Well, that's because at the time, I didn't have any confidence. Instead I built my life on a shaky foundation that eventually came crumbling down.

I got divorced, twice, to the same type of man no less. But he'd been dressed up in a different personality. So instead of acknowledging the red flags flying everywhere, I stayed camouflaged in denial. I ran up credit card balances, paid them off and ran them up again. I continued to use drugs and alcohol to cope. Only to find the next day the only coping I had was shame for my behavior the night before. Of course being hung over, I was in no mood to exercise or eat anything that resembled nutritious either. And the cycle went on like this for years.

Even though somewhere in the depth of my soul I knew this behavior was not my highest good, I kept staying in these cycles of defeat because I had grown used to them. You know, the old saying - better the devil that you know? I wanted to believe that it was better to deal with difficult people or situations that I knew instead of trying something new - for fear it could be worse.

We buy into fear's story because it pretends to be shielding us from future pain. Fear is able to do this because it feeds off of our insecurity. And we blindly believe the narrative because it feels so dang real. But please know this - just because we feel, does not make it real. F.E.A.R. stands for false evidence appearing real. So how do we get rid of the false appearing and find the real evidence?

You separate yourself from the storyline. When we feel fear, it's because the story we've told has become our identity. For example, when I knew I needed to divorce the second time, fear's voice kept telling me: You're too old, you'll never find anyone else. What a failure! What will people think, twice divorced? What a looser! You really are unlovable. 

Well with that dialogue going on, of course I'm going to feel even more fear and paralyzed to take action! I found that in order to move past my fear, into truth, I had to tackle each question head on. I had to see what was truth and what was myth. By taking "my character" out of the storyline and re-evaluating the story as an observer, I was able to detach my feelings to find the thoughts that had created this nasty narrative. Then and only then could I change the narrative. Once I had new thoughts, it created empowering feelings, which led to positive forward action.

What I learned was this:
You can't pick and choose the truth.
Fear often covers up the truth.
Letting go of shame gives you the power to face fear.
Once you face your fear, the truth is revealed.
Truth is the door that opens to love.
Love gives you the strength to take forward moving action.

Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Feel Your Way to Freedom, Overcoming Self-confidence Traps, Heal Your Inner Child, From Setbacks to Setups, You Achieve What You Believe ​